Will You Find Me Here?

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Will You Find Me Here?

It’s hard to put it into words
the inadequacy I feel
I’ve accomplished so little
with so much time
and being here makes it more real
If there is something I’m good at
it’s saying “no,” or not finishing things
It’s losing interest, assuming defeat
or sitting on my wings
It’s fear that consumes me now
it’s fear that consumed me then
And self-pity makes it easier somehow
I can call feeling sorry, my friend
But I’m not ready to be the problem
or accept blame for falling short
For not impressing family or friend
or for staying in my port
I’ve heard some say that accepting yourself
and what has come of yet
is the secret to living life peacefully
instead of with regret
Did I ever want?
What did I desire?
To step onto another’s path
and make their flame my fire?
To hop onto another’s back
while they walked through the mire?
I don’t deserve the things I have
the blessings He is giving
The comforts or the kind of love
that make a life, good living
But I would never argue this
the gratitude I owe
To the God Who brought me here
and helps me as I grow
And when I pray for just one thing
to feel I can be proud of
Something followed through to end
and had no single doubt of
I hope it counts as brand new seed
that sprouts within my heart
In soil that is watered well
from which efforts don’t part
Though maybe you will find me here
once again, in gloom
Where tears they fall from cheek to chin
as I watch others bloom

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.” – Psalm 138:8

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