Will You Find Me Here?
It’s hard to put it into words
the inadequacy I feel
I’ve accomplished so little
with so much time
and being here makes it more real
If there is something I’m good at
it’s saying “no,” or not finishing things
It’s losing interest, assuming defeat
or sitting on my wings
It’s fear that consumes me now
it’s fear that consumed me then
And self-pity makes it easier somehow
I can call feeling sorry, my friend
But I’m not ready to be the problem
or accept blame for falling short
For not impressing family or friend
or for staying in my port
I’ve heard some say that accepting yourself
and what has come of yet
is the secret to living life peacefully
instead of with regret
Did I ever want?
What did I desire?
To step onto another’s path
and make their flame my fire?
To hop onto another’s back
while they walked through the mire?
I don’t deserve the things I have
the blessings He is giving
The comforts or the kind of love
that make a life, good living
But I would never argue this
the gratitude I owe
To the God Who brought me here
and helps me as I grow
And when I pray for just one thing
to feel I can be proud of
Something followed through to end
and had no single doubt of
I hope it counts as brand new seed
that sprouts within my heart
In soil that is watered well
from which efforts don’t part
Though maybe you will find me here
once again, in gloom
Where tears they fall from cheek to chin
as I watch others bloom
“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.” – Psalm 138:8
In the past, I have gone to God with anxieties and did not come away from the experience with the peace that I was hoping for. Instead, my tears seemed to be met with silence. I was confused and frustrated as to why it seemed God was not responding. I realize now that in those situations, although it is always a good thing to want to hear from God, it is just as important to turn and hold fast to the truths He has already spoken (and is speaking), through the Bible. Those truths are just for those times.
“For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’ ” – Isaiah 41:13
Have you ever woken up feeling anxious about the state of the world? If so, Psalm 46 is a good one to read. It reaffirms God’s sovereignty and His continual presence. It also includes a truth that is helpful in countering every worry…
“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.”- Psalm 46:10
“Create in me a clean heart, O God.” – Psalm 51:10
Every day we battle thoughts that aren’t so kind about our neighbor, or we realize that our motives aren’t always completely honorable. As someone who loves Christ, God has ensured me that His Holy Spirit lives in me and that He has given me a new heart. Even though this is the case, I still battle the old habits within me, and sometimes neglect loving my neighbor as I should. Deficiencies like this lead me to pray the Bible verse above. It is a reminder that God is the One who creates a clean heart within me. When unkind thoughts plague us, it can be easy to go down the path of self-condemnation, but when we turn to God and ask Him to work on our hearts, we can’t go wrong. Maybe we don’t always feel freedom from those thoughts right away, but at least we know that we have put them in the right Hands.
When I read the Bible and questions come up for me, I sometimes take them to God, or I seek a friend’s counsel. But what I’ve realized is that there are some questions that may not be answered in this lifetime; perhaps they will never be answered. And maybe that’s okay. Because maybe once I move beyond this life, knowing the answers to those questions will no longer be important to me. But in reading the Bible verse below I am reminded of a question that has come up for me often. I have wondered how we can apply verses like this to our lives…because we all experience difficulties. I’m sure there are a variety of different opinions on the matter, but something someone said to me once rings true. He said that ultimately, if we have given our lives to God, then in the end, we will be with Him, and nothing can prevent that. So, in the end, He will have kept us from evil, He will have kept our going out and our coming in, and He will have kept our life, just as the verse says.
“The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.” – Psalm 121:7-8